Serenity now.

I have decided that family gatherings are just seances. In various cultures seances are used as tools to bring out the truth about matters. It seems to me that the family gatherings in which I am obligated to partake as part of being a member of a family unit, is to bring out what I like to call StabbyAins.

It’s interesting that people bring up matters, and then when those issues are responded to, they don’t like the answer, which I find surprising. It gets to a point where in the end they’ve annoyed me that much that I just say what I think about certain people and then they wonder why i’ve reacted in such a manner. Yes, I”m a horrible person.

Or am I? I feel like when I’m like this, that yes I am a horrible person. Are my normal moods and facade, just that, a facade? I think that’s what makes me most angsty is that when I get like this, they don’t seem to be surprised by my reactions?

It must be like the oracles in Zande life. They’re only considered powerful in an oracle situation. Maybe i’m just a horrible person in these situations and normally not. Who knows. Now i’m thinking too much :P

Trav got me some lovely Buddhist iconography that’s now sitting on my shelf.

Didn’t get to go have lunch with James n Julia today because of this family thing. I’ve decided that I need to move out. I know i’d be a nicer person overall if I didn’t feel that I was obligated to be in these situations. If it were a situation where they called me to ask if I could come, I could say no, and then I would feel better.

Anyway, need to stop the brain thinking, BFN